Keystone Hash House Harriers

So Easy, Even a Half-Mind Could do it!

Good evening fellow wankers and wankerettes,

 

Since the lovely Eager Beaver was bringing up the rear [ and a nice rear it is ] at the hash yesterday,  I have been given the chore of hash trash.   So here it is as I remember things from Sunday Sunday Sunday,  KH3 hash number five. 

 

It started out like any other hash day in November, nice and chilly with a few sprinkles of white stuff floating in the air.   A pack of ten wankers and wankerettes met at the local den of swill named Your Place off Progress Ave.  We met inside and our hare Deathwish gave us the low down on the trail and set off out the bar.  We stayed huddle inside the den of swill, tossing a few back till about five minutes to go,  then decided to go out and start to prepare ourselves for the cold afternoon run.  Pack off. 

 

We started down a nice muddy road past the Inn of the Dove.  We saw signs of flower but no signs of romance going on at the Inn.   After hitting a few checks, we hit an area where the trail could go anywhere.  Great shiggy trails to the right, but no flour.   The pack found itself running through some beautiful muddy construction site, enough to cause your feet to feel like lead.   After zigging and zagging around,  Tour, former hasher named Just Bernie, now known as Brown Noser, and myself found ourselves in a patch of woods.   We began to comment on how this would be a great beer check location and the beer gods heard us.  BN down in the ditch, inside the crumbling old drainage pipe.   Retrieving the beer,  we each cracked open a delicious piss warm Northern lager.   Nothing but the best for the hash.  Being that it was my fourth beer of the day and the first on trial,  it actually tasted not too bad.   We waited for the rest of the pack to arrive and tip back a couple of toasty Northerns.  

 

As the pack the pack came in to the calls of Beer Near,  I began to notice the area was a hot spot for people who did not believe in paying Waste Management to come pick up their crap.  There was plenty of goodies to play with here.  One such item of interest was a large toy truck which we debated on giving to Bushrat to give to Tiny Johnson for Christmas.   No one seemed interested in riding down the steep roadside embankment in the truck to sure death at the bottom of the hill, so we finished our Northerns and headed [ yes, I said head] out to the next stop.  

 

The pack made their way up the hill, over the road, to what did Panic see, but four perfectly good pumpkins just waiting to be smashed.   To think, people pay money for these things at Halloween, and we get them for free along the road.   After helping Panic destroy the pumpkins against the trees,  we noticed the one pumpkin looked like a helmet.  Oh what the hell, why not carry a five pound smashed pumpkin that looks like a helmet for the rest of the hash.  After making our way through the shiggy,  we came out to some nice open fields and too the Brady bunch looking like house.   After looking for trail in the fields,  On On was heard to the left.  Away we all went again,  into more shiggy bushes.   Not being on trail for once paid off for myself and my trusty pumpkin.   Crawling up the hill I noticed something that first made me think we had somehow crossed the ri ver and were in Perry county.  Nope, just a nice piece of shit trailer sitting near an old house.   Great place for BN# 2.   After the pack made their way up the shiggy filled embankment,  we all gathered for our next round of Northern,  though this time it is Northern light.   The hare apparently must have heard about Americans being too fat.   We all decided that it tasted like shit,  but it was beer and we were hashing, so what else can you do.  We did comment on the location of the trailer and how with the housing market being shitty,  we figured that this place may be the next real estate hot spot in Dauphin county.   It was also a great place to try out the pumpkin helmet and see how durable it was.  The helmet only suffered a minor crack after beating the side of trailer with it.   I guess I should of taken the helmet off before hitting the trailer, but how else are you going to know if it is safe for children.  On On to the next beer stop.

 

Zigging and zagging again,  we made our way on to pavement and familiar territory, Progress Ave.   After a few checked out the checks to see if they were true trail,  our hare Deathwish was spotted,  but in his car.   He gave us some helpful hints on the trail, and we kept moving.   Going down yet another roadside embankment, we heard the sound of beer near from Bang for Your Buck.   As we stood at BN # 3,  a few came in to the beer check in disguise.  It was Halloween all over again.  Panic, Brown Noser, and Backdoor man had obtained some masks that were stapled to an Obama sign.   Guess someone figures he is disguised as a president.   Another round of Northern beer,  this time it is Northern Ice.  Yummy.  NOT!   We all commented that the beer got more and more disgusting, so we drank them down  and proceeded to the on in. 

 

Arriving at the on in, we realize that Eager was not at the bar, nor was she in my truck grading papers.   Darkness was setting in,  so Deathwish and I set out in our beasts to find the lovely Eager.   I found her bring up the rear [ again, it is a nice rear ], over behind the Capital Blue Cross building and quickly gathered her in the beast because warm food and COLD beer awaited us at YP.  

 

We performed a small circle inside, using our inside voices and song selection.  Stuffed our faces with pizza,  drank yummy Pottsville swill,  and sent Just Bernie and Just Eliza to the bar so we could talk trash about them and give them a well deserved name.   As it turns out, we did come up with a name for each.   Just Bernie is forever known as Brown Noser and Just Eliza is forever known as Bang for Your Buck.  They can tell you how they got their names the next time you see them out because I have written way too much and I need another beer.   I believe everyone had a shitty time at KH3 run number 5.  Thanks to our hare Deathwish and to all that came out for making a Sunday afternoon trail a true shitty trail.   On On and good night.

 

Later days, better lays,

 

Quarterstick and the better half,  Eager.